finally thinking

My mind has been to a lot of new places lately...venturing way beyond what I've known to be good and acceptable. In the process of adjusting to this new life (and culture) i'm finding that a lot of my beliefs really weren't that great after all.

Being married has really flung wide open the closed doors inside of me. A lot of my insecurities and fears and the unexamined things I believed about life and love, God and family (which didn't make sense sometimes) were all of a sudden made clear and accessible to someone else...my husband. Scary, right? Especially if you're married to a man like mine. Those of you who know my husband, know that he likes to "dive" into things. He can be swimming for hours in a deep ocean of thought. A lot of times i've had to holler at him from the shore trying to get him to swim faster so we can move on to something else...like eat ice cream or go thrift store shopping (wink). But making time to process things together and to really talk has been foundational in our marriage. So I'm learning to get into the water with him--finding meaning and value in going where it's deep and unfamiliar.

It's amazing how much of himself the Lord reveals in marriage. Whenever I experience kindness and love from David (my husband), it always results in praise towards GOD. We've had days when we've really had to work (hard) at communicating with each other and understanding what it is that the other is saying. There are some days when I would have no desire or energy to "talk it out," but it has always ended in peaceful resolution through the grace of GOD.

I came from a really angry place. And I've lived there all my life. My insides were all messed up. Eventhough I might have looked good on the outside, there was a whole lot of rotting garbage and death in me. I honestly could've lived my whole life like that. It would've been a shame, but I would'nt have cared.

My mind has been rescued since then. Thank you Lord! It has since been set free from false reasoning about myself and who I am and who people want me to be. I'm learning not to hate people or judge them. I am learning to be patient, seeing the patience David has for me and all the junk I'm having to sort through. I'm learning that becoming like Jesus takes time but that there's never a moment when He is not showing us how to be like Him. I'm learning to enjoy and endure the things I cannot control, knowing and believing that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." I'm learning to open my eyes to the reality that I exist for the Lord and his pleasure and what a beautiful truth that is.