I wish I was as brave in the real world as I am in my own kitchen. I've been concocting all sorts of stuff in the kitchen of our humble home for 10 months now. Like a boss. But I've never been one to enjoy cooking before. So the fact that i'm doing such a great job (ask my husband :p) baffles me. I don't do recipes. It's just not my thing. I read them and try to put a twist on them (i.e. add ginger because ginger awesomizes every dish), but that's about it. I've never doubted my food would turn out good. Some days, while i'm cooking, I don't even taste check it anymore and just serve it right up on the dinner table. I like to surprise myself like that. There have been times where i've had to pour water into it to try to pass it off as soup. But I haven't made soup lately, so we're obviously making some progress ;) Also, soup probably won't be as enjoyable in the summer time when our kitchen decides it wants to be a sauna instead.
David sat me down and gave me a great talk this morning. Thank you Lord for wise husbands who love their wives! Somehow my line of vision was skewed and it was really affecting my perception of what people were saying to me. So I semi-passionately expressed my frustrations with the world and people's expectations of me in our sauna of a kitchen. I knew I wasn't right. Something was very wrong about how I was thinking and feeling. It's intereting to observe how someone (a friend) can mean well and really encourage you with their speech, but then you would take it to mean the absolute opposite of that and would instead crush your spirit and make you a little angry. When I finally had some time to chill out and stop throwing my little tantrum, I realized it was all a lie. People don't look down on me and judge me. They don't want to take advantage of me. They don't belittle my skills and abilities. Those are all lies. Lies that have materialized from out of nowhere into my mind and anchored themselves there. Lies are despicable things. They really can seem like truths if we're not careful. I wasn't. But I thank the Lord for all the ways he corrects me. And I realized that HIS love for me is not even based on any physical quality, comedic skills, charm, talent, or emotional capacity to not be a brat. HE knows when i'm annoyed or impatient. He sees the degree to which we sometimes like to dwell in our anger and even curse people in our minds. I'm so thankful for HIS truths. In this particular situation, for HIS truth that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
I realize that I started this post with "bravity" in mind. I guess I would have to elaborate my story a little further. But I don't like long blog entries. So i'm just gonna say this: Because I was believing in the enemy's lies about me, I started to doubt the Lord. I started to doubt His faithfulness, which made me very fearful about the future. Which made me think and act the way I did.
I don't know that anyone would want to be my friend if they knew about all the garbage my mind has sat in. But the Lord does. He saves and sustains. Hallelujah, there is always hope in GOD!
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