the gardener

I found myself sweeping dust off the floor of a little red tool shed in the middle of Chambersburg, Pennsylvania this morning and wondering if this was gonna be my new "normal." To which i came up with the conclusion that my life is strange and wonderful. And i don't know what normal is. Is it normal to fly to a foreign country to pursue something so wildly impossible (such as a masters degree) because you have virtually no means to support yourself financially and won't even have a place to stay or have family around for love and support? I'm guessing it's not. But i just got appointed by a Christian non-profit organization called NETwork to be their volunteer Garden Director. And it's things like this that blows my mind. Because it's such a huge privilege to serve. And when you're floating around in a completely new environment where you're awkward and not sure how to act or talk or even dress, it makes the truth about GOD's sovereignty so much more real. Often times i would imagine myself being on the sidelines watching GOD orchestrate my world. I have no words to describe my amazement at the Lord's desire for me to be of use to himself. I mean, who am I anyway? 

Held by GOD is who I am. And wherever HE desires to set me down and plant me, I will grow :)

My favorite part about Cali ;)

He spoke in a whisper 

something that shook my inner cosmos. 

He smiled and it broke me on the inside 

in all the ways i needed to be broken. 

He shined His face upon me 

and my whole world exploded.

I am a million tiny pieces 

and Love holds me together.

~eloisa.march27.2011~

Facing the Future Without Fear by John MacArthur

While I have no way of knowing what will happen on January 1, 2000, I do know this: people have always and will always fear the future. In fact, the growing response to the Y2K problem demonstrates how delicately the world balances on the edge of panic—how driven we are by fear and uncertainty about things to come.


Certainly, you don't need to be a computer expert to find reasons to fear the future. In fact, you don't need to search at all—fear and uncertainty will find you. A bleak medical diagnosis. Company layoffs. A stack of bills. Car trouble. Whether you're concerned about your health, your home, or your ability to provide for your family, one thing is certain: fear and uncertainty about the future come from every angle and wait around every corner.


Thankfully, in the face of so much uncertainty, God hasn't left us alone or without promises. When fear of the future grips us, the encouragement we find on the pages of Scripture provides our best and only defense. I can think of times when God's Word put to rest the doubts and fears of my family and gave us peace in trying circumstances. I remember the drive to the hospital after learning of Patricia's near-fatal car accident several years ago, not knowing whether she would live or die. More recently, I was the one in the hospital, suffering from blood clots in my lungs. For several days my condition was unstable as the doctors waited to see how I would respond to medication. In each case, God's promises kept the fears at bay.


I'm sure you can think of times in your own life when fear and doubt would have overwhelmed you if not for a verse or passage you remembered from God's Word—times when worry or panic gave way to peace as you immersed yourself in Scripture.


But as heavily as you and I lean on God's Word to fend off our nagging fears about the future—as carefully as we plumb its riches for encouragement--I believe we often overlook one of its most precious treasures. There's a portion of Scripture most of us don't consider—at least not at first—yet it probably contains more promises, offers more proof, and results in more praise than anywhere else in the Bible.
Where is that treasure of biblical encouragement? It isn't contained in one chapter or book. It appears in Genesis and culminates in Revelation. It weaves its way through the Psalms, the prophets, Jesus' teachings, and even the epistles. The encouraging, yet often-overlooked portion of Scripture I'm speaking of is prophecy.


Understanding Bible prophecy encourages in two unique ways. First, it serves as a reminder that God controls history. When, you read from the pages of Scripture how He keeps His promises, your faith is strengthened. God promised a son to Abraham and Sarah, and He provided Isaac. God promised to bring His people into Canaan, and He did. God promised to judge Israel, and the Babylonians led the nation into captivity. God promised a Messiah, and He sent His son. God promised to raise Him on the third day, and He did. In each case, whether He promised to bless or to judge, God was faithful. By reflecting on the fulfilled promises of the past, you can find great comfort as you look toward the future.

Second, understanding God's promises for the future provides a solid foundation to which you can anchor your hope—a sturdy shield with which you can deflect your doubts and fears about tomorrow. Concerning your finances, God has promised to supply your needs. Concerning your health, God has promised to give you a new body. Concerning the unexpected, God has promised to work all things for your ultimate benefit. Concerning your salvation, God has promised to finish the work He began in you. When you reflect on God's plans and promises for you and for the world, you can face the future without fear.

I like your song, Shawn McDonald.

Pure joy? Why, yes please.

There's a power outage so I don't have Facebook to distract me.

I'm finding that this truly is something great and unknown to me. 

I'm also finding more and more that GOD is infinitely wiser and HIS ways immeasurably higher than even my wildest dreams and aspirations.

I was delighted to find out that my faith has grown. This is more than just a time of victories and blessing…it is, more importantly, a time of maturing and enduring. I have to remember that. He is causing things to happen and not happen according to HIS good, pleasing and perfect will. Whatever this is, it has only strengthened my trust in the Lord and all HIS ways. It seems to me that this is how things normally progress for someone who's walking down the narrow path. And yet I am more eager to follow now than I was yesterday. I don't think i've ever been at this place where the obstacle standing in my way has only brought me more hope and confidence. It must look awfully foolish to my crowd of witnesses. But i'm sorting my clothes next week and packing my bags shortly after. I trust Jesus--he is good and will not put those who trust in him to shame.

I've had to be still and know that HE is GOD. I had to carefully examine everything in order to discover that HE is pleased with me. 

I thoroughly enjoy hearing GOD speak. He is lovely. 

He spoke so clearly today, like He always does. He's such a delightful person. He told me to rejoice. So I will.

James 1:2-4

 ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

How loved are we.

^1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
   I'm an open book to you;
      even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
   You know when I leave and when I get back;
      I'm never out of your sight.
   You know everything I'm going to say
      before I start the first sentence.
   I look behind me and you're there,
      then up ahead and you're there, too—
      your reassuring presence, coming and going.
   This is too much, too wonderful—
      I can't take it all in!

 ^7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
      to be out of your sight?
   If I climb to the sky, you're there!
      If I go underground, you're there!
   If I flew on morning's wings
      to the far western horizon,
   You'd find me in a minute—
      you're already there waiting!
   Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
      At night I'm immersed in the light!"
   It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
      night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

 ^13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother's womb.
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I'd even lived one day.

 ^17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
      God, I'll never comprehend them!
   I couldn't even begin to count them—
      any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
   Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
    
 ^23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
      find out everything about me;
   Cross-examine and test me,
      get a clear picture of what I'm about;
   See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
      then guide me on the road to eternal life.

~Psalm 139 (The Message)