how am i doing?

I love opening my eyes in the morning and feeling alive.

I love being sleepy at 9pm--not bothered by the cares of this world or worried about anything.

I love kissing my baby nephew on the lips.

I love chocolate and how it lifts my spirit up.

I love knowing i could've been an amazing lawyer.

I love sitting still and knowing that i'm completely secure.

I love knowing i can walk 2 miles down a mountain and back up.

I love hearing myself sing.

I love remembering that the bus driver took a wrong turn because he was trying to get to know me. (haha)

I love not knowing where i'd be or what i'd be doing a year from now.

I love the infinite possibilities that singleness brings.

I love being a teacher.

I love being able to meet with GOD in the morning and hearing HIM speak wisdom.

I love talking to my mom for hours.

I love how water feels against my skin.

I love telling white people that i learned to speak English in my primitive village where American missionaries clothed us and taught us their language ;p

I love how snow sounds under my boots.

I love laughing with my sister for hours.

I love meeting new people and watching movies with them.

I love relationships.

I love imagining what people's lives might be like.

I love the kind of music i listen to.

I love that i'm me, and no one can ever be like me.

I love that i'm 27 years old and can still get away with high-tops.

I love reading.

I love my life and everyone in it.

I love warm bread and lots and lots of butter.

I love my college kid swag.

I love not needing to wear deodorant. 

I love that i'm a virgin.

I love my style.

I love waiting for that amazing man i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.

I love that i have no regrets in life.

I love the fact that i am loved for exactly who i am.

I love that i don't know everything.

I love knowing i'm romantic.

I love not hating anyone.

I love GOD.

I love getting presents for people.

I love being able to release forgiveness.

I love being able to resist watching Harry Potter in the movies because i'd much rather watch it on dvd.

I love my armpits.

I love that i don't own a cell phone.

I love that i can write well and speak well.

I love that i can decorate my cubicle any way i want.

I love that i'm skinny enough to wear a tank.

I love the natural color of my hair.

I love the fact that there's nothing i can't do. (Phil 4:13)

I love closing doors and finding new doors to walk through.

I love the woman i'm turning into.

My freeway/driving scares and misadventures

I was in the states for about 4 1/2 months. I lived in a house full of white people. It was a hugely different environment and for the most parts it was pretty great. Psychologists say that a person can handle only a maximum of 3 radical changes at any given time. More than 3 big simultaneous changes in our lives could give rise to harmful behavior. I tried my best to adjust. I have a few regrets but it's all in the past now. I didn't have a car while i was in the states, so the only cars i would get to drive were my friends' (i drove 4 different kinds). This one time, when Dan and Rose Sullivan went on a vacation, they left me their very nice Ford Focus (??) so i could drive down the street to their house to feed their cats. They filled up the tank for me and i drove them to the airport in downtown Philly, 45 minutes away. They didn't wanna miss their flight, so Dan asked me to step on it--go 80 miles per hour (which is 128kph for us in the Philippines. YIKES). I was absolutely terrified flying down the freeway like that. But we all got there in one piece. It was literally a miracle. I'm pretty sure i peed a little bit in my pants.

But that's not the worst part. The worst part was when i decided to head out to the Outlet Center to do a little shopping. It's normally 30mins away. But being the inexperienced GPS-reliant tourist that i am, i always take at least 3 wrong turns--despite the fact that the GPS is turned up to maximum volume and i am 27 years old. At one point i even found myself driving to the state of Delaware. I'm not ashamed. I had such a good laugh. But back to my story now. So there i was in the middle lane on the freeway where i could just go 60mph listening to endless indie, taking it all in. After some time, it started to rain and in a matter of seconds turned into a torrential downpour. I could not see anything in front of me. Water was splashing on my windshield from every direction from the cars that would pass me. But i couldn't start slowing down at the time when i knew the cars behind me couldn't see me either. It was a complete nightmare. I couldn't see the signs and the off ramps. If a car had stopped in front of me or had slowed down for any reason at all, that would've been the end of it. Looking back on it today, i still can't believe the miracle of that drive. People had actually stopped on the side of the road to wait it out. But somehow i found my exit and and went back to my usual MO of finding myself a few miles down the wrong street. I remember even going down a street in the wrong direction--this was another day though, and in another car. One time, i even attempted to turn around and drove myself straight into a Police parking lot. I dunno why i was nervous about that. I mean, being an Asian female driver is hardly a crime. 

But this one particular day, i guess i was going a little too fast on wet road. See, i've never really slowed down driving in CDO when it rained. I never really found the slippery road to be dangerous. But i was going up a small hill and as i was 2 seconds from the top i saw that the traffic light had turned red. It was drizzling and the street was just the right kind of wet. I didn't have enough time to slow down. I was going like 65mph. I froze. I couldn't move my feet. Time stood still. I thought to myself "I'm just gonna crash. I'm just gonna crash." I knew i hadn't put enough pressure on the brakes to put the car to a complete stop. But somehow i just didn't even try anymore. I didn't think it was gonna make a difference. The car had already hydroplaned (hydroplane = slide uncontrollably). By a miracle, though, without even thinking about it anymore, my foot just pressed on the brakes a little harder and the car stopped. But i waited for the driver in front of me to react. He didn't. I was about half an inch away from hitting him. My knees felt so weak. As soon as the light turned green, i turned right into the nearest parking lot and just cried. I couldn't believe how close i got to getting seriously hurt and wrecking my friend's car. I just had to pray. I couldn't imagine what would've happened if GOD hadn't protected me. I really don't believe i'm anything special. My skills and talents, my gifts, hopes and ambitions and who i am is nothing out of the ordinary. But HE saved me from harm that day and it really blew my mind. I wonder what it is HE had planned for me that HE has to preserve me? I wonder why HE loves me so much.

My Jersey shore scare

It was Labor Day weekend and everyone was aching to take a trip to the beach. We liked to hit the Jersey shore whenever Uncle Bob gets the time. The plan was to head out to the beach to catch some sun, see a show in Atlantic City, have a nice meal together and spend the night at a swanky hotel :) I was up for all that. 

I never owned a bathing suit before i came to the States. Whenever i'd go to the beach with the gang, i'd always find myself thinking (as i sat there while the sun rips me apart) "What is the point of all this?" I just couldn't appreciate the inactivity of sun-bathing.  But there i was, trying my best not to care that i was actually coming to a bright orange crisp. Looking back on it now, i must've looked like such an idiot spraying sunblock on myself every 5 seconds. But after i calmed down (i think after a small dose of poison from inhaling some of that sunblock, LOL) i started to realize how much of the experience i was wasting away all because of my fear of getting a little tanned. So i decided to head out to the water with Lissy and play on the waves. It looked fun enough. The water was fuhreeezing. But i went in anyway knowing that it wouldn't be so bad after a while of being in it. Lissy then turns to me and very casually tells me what to do when an approaching wave hits me. She said to just dive under it--or something like that. And so i was like, "Sure, pppfff, i can do that. You didn't need to tell me."

There were small children in the water, as well as grown me and women. They were all "riding" waves like it was nothing. It was pretty fun at first. The water level was a little high for me but i quickly learned how to kind of just jump so that my head stays above the water. After a while though, the waves got so much bigger. And the water started dragging me harder out into the ocean. 8 foot waves started rolling in in a slow chain. It was alright at first, because i had some time to come up for air before the next one came. But then what looked like 10 foot waves started crashing in on my 97lbs, 5'2 frame. I couldn't get my rhythm back. Every time i dove in, the top of the wave would hit my back and send me spinning around 3x or 4x under the water. At one point, i thought i was actually just gonna die. That the paper next morning would read "Ignorant tourist dies in tragic somersault." I had to (very quickly and subtly) fix my swimsuit every time i came up for air because the impact of the waves would literally displace my body parts. Oh it went on for like an hour or something. I was so tired but i kept my cool even though i was just about ready to faint from exhaustion. I remember coming out of the water feeling like i just had a vigorous workout of pointless physical battery. But i didn't die that day. Thank you Jesus! :)

It's memories like this one that reminds me that GOD still has a plan for me. I don't have to know what it is. It's not my job to find out. If we all had to wait for GOD to reveal his will for us before we obeyed, then it wouldn't be considered faith, would it? Faith isn't an easy thing to develop. It takes an awful lot of genuine trust in the LORD to really begin to follow HIM. We don't like not knowing what's gonna happen and not being able to control our own lives. But how much of our own wisdom can we really rely on? Can we ever really know enough about life and truth and love and death to rely on our own actions and the work of our feeble hands? Don't do it, friend. Submit your life to GOD today. "He will show you great and mighty things which you do not know." It's not gonna be all warm and fuzzy. In fact, the enemy is gonna try even harder to bring you down. But what's great about knowing GOD and being known by HIM is the love that'll make you alive at last.  

My JFK, new york scare

It was 4:30 in the morning and i was rearing to go. It rained cats and dogs but by the time i got to the airport, the rain had let up. I wasn't really worried about it anyway because i knew GOD would take care of me. I was early and i had already checked in on-line. So i was feeling pretty good. Until they weighed my bags and were well over the limit. They wanted me to check my carry-on and pay $250. I just about died. So i carefully took down my bags from the scale, apologized and sheepishly dragged myself and my huge bags across the lobby (??) of the airport. I didn't really have a solution at that time. I was just about ready to throw out half the stuff in my bag. Which was a stupid plan. So there i was sitting on the airport floor in a whirlwind of clothes and shoes and stupid wonderful memorabilia when i noticed this guy inching towards me. He looked Middle-eastern and very polished. But i didn't even take 1 second to look up because i was in a frantic disposition where i wanted to cry and hide at the same time while trying my best to fold my (very heavy) clothes in a neat pile.

I guess he felt sorry for me, and so he asked if i went over baggage limit. I was sweaty, and the likelihood of paying $250 mortified me so much to the point where i could feel my facial muscles actually uglify. But i said "Yeah, they want me to pay $250 to check my carry on." I was just about ready to turn on the water works after i heard myself say that. So we just talked for a little bit about how much it sucked to be me at that moment. But it turns out, he's one of the crew people on Emirates. He wasn't working that day. He was waiting to get on the same plane as me. And so he told me to take out my shoes and transfer them to my carry on. He gave me instructions and told me to trust him because he lives out of his own suitcase and has very well mastered the difficult art of packing. I did everything he said and stood back in line to weigh my bags again. He told me to approach an Emirates staff because they're friendlier. And so I did. 

The Emirates lady pointed at the guy who charged me $250 and said that i had to go back to him. That guy wasn't very skilled at breaking bad news to people gently. So i was bracing for the worst. But then this other counter frees up in front of me and the lady told me to just go ahead and check in over there. He was a young black dude. He asked me for my passport. I kinda had to tell him what was going on--that i wasn't ready to check in yet and that i jut needed to use his scale to see if i wouldn't have click my heels 2 times to go home after all (i didn't actually say that though). He said it was okay. So i lugged back all my bags and said a million little prayers.

The 1st bag read 0.9 kg. So i took it off the scale and did it again. But now it read -10kg. And we just looked at each other. I just couldn't help myself and so i just blurted out, "Well, i guess it worked then! Cuz it weighs nothing now. Look, it's negative! My bag will actually absorb some of the weight on this flight." And he just kinda chuckled, half surprised at how the whole situation was turning around and half surprised that i managed to crack a dumb joke even at the prospect of having to pay a huge sum of moolah. Then he said "U broke my scale" with a reassuring smile on his face. But I wasn't out of the woods yet though, because that was just my first bag. For some reason, he told me to weigh the 2nd one now. The same thing happens and i asked him if i needed to weigh my carry-on and he just looks at me with a grin and tells me, like an angel, why would you wanna insist on weighing your carry on when it's obvious you're cool?" And then we skipped all across the airport and ate ice cream and became best friends for life!!! :) I couldn't believe what was happening. He was letting it slide! From $250 to absolutely nothing! Then he told me to try and make my carry-on look less bulky because his boss might check it. Then he sent me on my merry way with a great big smile. I wish i could've thanked him some more. I wanted to cry. It was a tremendous blessing!

I went back to that Emirates guy and shook his hand. He said he's see me back on the plane. But i didn't see him after that. He said he liked Manila :) What a great GOD i have! I just can't say it enough! WHAT A GREAT GOD I HAVE!!!

Hey, he's right.

I'm reading this book called "Searching for GOD knows what," and i just had to share an excerpt with you. The author is Donald Miller and below is him trying to imagine being an alien and reporting to his planet or head-alien about what people on earth were like. He goes:

"Humans, as a species, are constantly, and in every way, comparing themselves to one another, which, given the brief nature of their existence, seems an oddity and, for that matter, a waste. Nevertheless, this is the driving influence behind every human's social development, their emotional health and sense of joy, and, sadly, their greatest tragedies. It is as though something that helped them function and live well has gone missing, and they are pining for that missing thing in all sorts of odd methods, none of which are working. The greater tragedy is that very few people understand they have the disease. This seems strange as well because it is obvious. To be sure, it is killing them, and yet sustaining their social and economic system. They are an entirely beautiful people with a terrible problem."

so far, everything's good :)

I started this blog on the vain assumption that i had enough funny or interesting things to say to keep it going. So you can imagine my shock when i finally realized that i'm not as great as i thought i was. But i'm okay now. I microwaved myself some humble pie and it was exactly what i needed. Now i'm overdosing on God's word to try and keep myself from slipping into what i considered to be a very worldly state of mind. Which is really nothing more than allowing myself to be so influenced by American reality tv shows that all i wanna do is buy little dresses from Forever21 and dye my hair blond. And maybe get a really bad tan and talk about getting plastered in Vegas and making drunk phone calls to exes. And, no, i'm not making a reference to Jersey Shore. Now i'm trying to sing worship songs while reading a Christian book that my friend Josh just lent me. It's not working, i couldn't focus on either. Singing made me wanna practice on my guitar more so i can play while i lead worship, and reading made me feel awful about the fact that i haven't been reading as much. Pretty intense stuff. 


For the longest time i knew i wanted to blog about my trip to the United States--how as i was boarding my New York flight, i had to step out of the line to get ziplock for the liquids i was carrying. Which i already knew i needed but overlooked on purpose because i'm lazy. So even though i was first in line, i had to go back to the end. I came here wanting to make the best of being alone (without family) in a foreign land. I wanted to immerse myself in a culture that fascinated me as a child. Because, coming from my background, it seemed like life in America was always exciting and interesting. Everyone was beautiful and lived in very nice homes and could go to Disneyland anytime they wanted. They have every imaginable tool for making life more comfortable. They always have toilet paper and hand soap in their public bathrooms. They have every flavor of salsa dip you could ever want. They kiss their pets on the lips and they have salad bars, a great selection of freshly baked donuts and cookies and cakes in their grocery stores. They say "hi" and give compliments to each other on the sidewalk, i mean, how pleasantly different is that from everything back home? One of my favorite things here is that i can wear shorts without getting unwanted attention. I love it :) I am having the time of my life!


But today i woke up and realized that there is absolutely nothing in this world that could replace (even for 3 seconds) the joy of beholding, knowing, hearing, loving, worshipping, trusting JESUS :) And He was very gentle about reminding me about it. You see, i'm living very comfortably in a house that has an extra living room, and a dining room that hardly anyone even goes to. The house has 4 floors, 3 1/2 bathrooms, a patio, a front and back yard. I have my own room, which i have never had before in my entire life. I have my own phone and computer and my own bathroom. I've been to ritzy beaches and had lobster and 2 kinds of beverages because i couldn't make up my mind and Uncle no1 was feeling generous. I have Coach, Armani, DKNY, Calvin Klein, Lucky Brand, 7 new pairs of shoes and yesterday i bought 2 of the same Michael Kors bags in different colors. It's easy to lose yourself in comfort. So i did. But i needed the wake up call. There's nothing quite as terrifying, beautiful and life-changing as GOD speaking instruction into our lives. Being alone and away from family has its down side. I've fainted off a bike and onto the side of the road from trying to ride alone on a mountain only to be told on the phone to get up and keep going. I've walked uphill in the dark for almost 2 miles while carrying bags on both arms. I realize this one doesn't sound so bad, but i was walking aroud the biggest mall in America for 7 hours already and then had to walk up to the house. I've had to call 911 because my ride forgot to pick me up and it's 11pm and i just knew it was only gonna be a few more minutes before zombies started appearing out of nowhere to feast on my pasty 5 lbs heavier Asian self.


But JESUS was with me through all that. I know this because i know that i'm not physically fit enough to pick myself off the ground the way i did when i was shaking and sweating on the sidewalk. I am only beginning to learn to really rely on HIM instead of myself or anyone else. He has supplied me with all the equipment i've needed for being renewed. I'm not saying i'm a different person now. I mean, certainly being restored to the likeness of Jesus will take all my time and all my life and all of me. But i think that part of the first few instances of restoration and renewal is indescribable peace. I'm learning to value the love He has for me and i hope for my own sake that i don't ever lose sight of that. The bible tells us that every good and perfect thing comes from the Lord :) I think that's a crucial truth to share and to keep in mind on a daily basis. That way we can never boast about ourselves or anybody else. That way we can worship HIM constantly. That way HE can take us into a new level of depth in our relationship with HIM where there's us, His children, and HIM and life to the fullest!

march 3, 11:47 blog entry :)

I met an Israeli man today. I was sitting in Figaro trying to formulate questions for my semi-final exam. (pause for evil laugh) He was sitting at the table next to mine and we shared the sentiment of "When the heck is the wifi gonna come on?" He was a well-upholstered (i was looking for another word for fat and "well-upholstered" popped up and i thought, "huh, that's a fun word") man who had a thick accent and an infectious laugh. Turns out he holds free seminars to college students and business establishments about a certain software--or something like that, i dunno. My mind wandered off after i heard the word "Accounting/CPA." My mind does that a lot. Specially around people whose interests don't interest me. I'm not a good person to hang out with. Unless you like music and/or Jesus because i like both things--to different degrees of course.

After the 15th, he's off to give a talk to graduating Xavier Accounting students. He says he brings a bag of chocolates too. So at that point i was just about ready to ask him if he really was Santa Claus in the clever disguise of a beardless, dorky, pasty, middle-aged businessman with a laptop and a knack for talking to strange (but very cool) women who wear sneakers with their dresses (me). 

We talked about how there was a prevailing attitude of incompetence in CDO (and the world in general). He seemed like an important person who knew what he was talking about. And i felt privileged to have sat next to a successful man. So i had to take a quick break from all the fun of making a deliciously difficult exam to make this quick blog entry. 

It's nearing the end of my contract as an IPC instructor. And i am a little sad. Teaching has provided a means for me to influence the younger generation and i'm almost done. I'm not sure that my influence has done very much good in their lives, really. I mean, how much good influence can someone who doesn't iron her own clothes have on a teenager? In my defense, no-ironing = saving energy. So there you go, i really do it (or don't do it) to help the planet ;)

I'm gonna have a few more months to spend here before i fly off in July. And as of the moment, i have made no plans on how to spend that time. I live my life like that. If you asked me the proverbial question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" i would be like, "I really have no idea." And i don't see that as a problem. I'm not in a quest for anything really. Fame and popularity don't appeal to me and neither does wealth or beauty. My life belongs to GOD and He will do with it whatever He pleases. If at the end of the day, i have peace, i'm good :) But now i have to make a break for the bathroom. Because i just had coffee. And coffee makes me go number 2. Have a great day and thanks for making this blog worthwhile.