how am i doing?

I love opening my eyes in the morning and feeling alive.

I love being sleepy at 9pm--not bothered by the cares of this world or worried about anything.

I love kissing my baby nephew on the lips.

I love chocolate and how it lifts my spirit up.

I love knowing i could've been an amazing lawyer.

I love sitting still and knowing that i'm completely secure.

I love knowing i can walk 2 miles down a mountain and back up.

I love hearing myself sing.

I love remembering that the bus driver took a wrong turn because he was trying to get to know me. (haha)

I love not knowing where i'd be or what i'd be doing a year from now.

I love the infinite possibilities that singleness brings.

I love being a teacher.

I love being able to meet with GOD in the morning and hearing HIM speak wisdom.

I love talking to my mom for hours.

I love how water feels against my skin.

I love telling white people that i learned to speak English in my primitive village where American missionaries clothed us and taught us their language ;p

I love how snow sounds under my boots.

I love laughing with my sister for hours.

I love meeting new people and watching movies with them.

I love relationships.

I love imagining what people's lives might be like.

I love the kind of music i listen to.

I love that i'm me, and no one can ever be like me.

I love that i'm 27 years old and can still get away with high-tops.

I love reading.

I love my life and everyone in it.

I love warm bread and lots and lots of butter.

I love my college kid swag.

I love not needing to wear deodorant. 

I love that i'm a virgin.

I love my style.

I love waiting for that amazing man i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.

I love that i have no regrets in life.

I love the fact that i am loved for exactly who i am.

I love that i don't know everything.

I love knowing i'm romantic.

I love not hating anyone.

I love GOD.

I love getting presents for people.

I love being able to release forgiveness.

I love being able to resist watching Harry Potter in the movies because i'd much rather watch it on dvd.

I love my armpits.

I love that i don't own a cell phone.

I love that i can write well and speak well.

I love that i can decorate my cubicle any way i want.

I love that i'm skinny enough to wear a tank.

I love the natural color of my hair.

I love the fact that there's nothing i can't do. (Phil 4:13)

I love closing doors and finding new doors to walk through.

I love the woman i'm turning into.

My freeway/driving scares and misadventures

I was in the states for about 4 1/2 months. I lived in a house full of white people. It was a hugely different environment and for the most parts it was pretty great. Psychologists say that a person can handle only a maximum of 3 radical changes at any given time. More than 3 big simultaneous changes in our lives could give rise to harmful behavior. I tried my best to adjust. I have a few regrets but it's all in the past now. I didn't have a car while i was in the states, so the only cars i would get to drive were my friends' (i drove 4 different kinds). This one time, when Dan and Rose Sullivan went on a vacation, they left me their very nice Ford Focus (??) so i could drive down the street to their house to feed their cats. They filled up the tank for me and i drove them to the airport in downtown Philly, 45 minutes away. They didn't wanna miss their flight, so Dan asked me to step on it--go 80 miles per hour (which is 128kph for us in the Philippines. YIKES). I was absolutely terrified flying down the freeway like that. But we all got there in one piece. It was literally a miracle. I'm pretty sure i peed a little bit in my pants.

But that's not the worst part. The worst part was when i decided to head out to the Outlet Center to do a little shopping. It's normally 30mins away. But being the inexperienced GPS-reliant tourist that i am, i always take at least 3 wrong turns--despite the fact that the GPS is turned up to maximum volume and i am 27 years old. At one point i even found myself driving to the state of Delaware. I'm not ashamed. I had such a good laugh. But back to my story now. So there i was in the middle lane on the freeway where i could just go 60mph listening to endless indie, taking it all in. After some time, it started to rain and in a matter of seconds turned into a torrential downpour. I could not see anything in front of me. Water was splashing on my windshield from every direction from the cars that would pass me. But i couldn't start slowing down at the time when i knew the cars behind me couldn't see me either. It was a complete nightmare. I couldn't see the signs and the off ramps. If a car had stopped in front of me or had slowed down for any reason at all, that would've been the end of it. Looking back on it today, i still can't believe the miracle of that drive. People had actually stopped on the side of the road to wait it out. But somehow i found my exit and and went back to my usual MO of finding myself a few miles down the wrong street. I remember even going down a street in the wrong direction--this was another day though, and in another car. One time, i even attempted to turn around and drove myself straight into a Police parking lot. I dunno why i was nervous about that. I mean, being an Asian female driver is hardly a crime. 

But this one particular day, i guess i was going a little too fast on wet road. See, i've never really slowed down driving in CDO when it rained. I never really found the slippery road to be dangerous. But i was going up a small hill and as i was 2 seconds from the top i saw that the traffic light had turned red. It was drizzling and the street was just the right kind of wet. I didn't have enough time to slow down. I was going like 65mph. I froze. I couldn't move my feet. Time stood still. I thought to myself "I'm just gonna crash. I'm just gonna crash." I knew i hadn't put enough pressure on the brakes to put the car to a complete stop. But somehow i just didn't even try anymore. I didn't think it was gonna make a difference. The car had already hydroplaned (hydroplane = slide uncontrollably). By a miracle, though, without even thinking about it anymore, my foot just pressed on the brakes a little harder and the car stopped. But i waited for the driver in front of me to react. He didn't. I was about half an inch away from hitting him. My knees felt so weak. As soon as the light turned green, i turned right into the nearest parking lot and just cried. I couldn't believe how close i got to getting seriously hurt and wrecking my friend's car. I just had to pray. I couldn't imagine what would've happened if GOD hadn't protected me. I really don't believe i'm anything special. My skills and talents, my gifts, hopes and ambitions and who i am is nothing out of the ordinary. But HE saved me from harm that day and it really blew my mind. I wonder what it is HE had planned for me that HE has to preserve me? I wonder why HE loves me so much.

My Jersey shore scare

It was Labor Day weekend and everyone was aching to take a trip to the beach. We liked to hit the Jersey shore whenever Uncle Bob gets the time. The plan was to head out to the beach to catch some sun, see a show in Atlantic City, have a nice meal together and spend the night at a swanky hotel :) I was up for all that. 

I never owned a bathing suit before i came to the States. Whenever i'd go to the beach with the gang, i'd always find myself thinking (as i sat there while the sun rips me apart) "What is the point of all this?" I just couldn't appreciate the inactivity of sun-bathing.  But there i was, trying my best not to care that i was actually coming to a bright orange crisp. Looking back on it now, i must've looked like such an idiot spraying sunblock on myself every 5 seconds. But after i calmed down (i think after a small dose of poison from inhaling some of that sunblock, LOL) i started to realize how much of the experience i was wasting away all because of my fear of getting a little tanned. So i decided to head out to the water with Lissy and play on the waves. It looked fun enough. The water was fuhreeezing. But i went in anyway knowing that it wouldn't be so bad after a while of being in it. Lissy then turns to me and very casually tells me what to do when an approaching wave hits me. She said to just dive under it--or something like that. And so i was like, "Sure, pppfff, i can do that. You didn't need to tell me."

There were small children in the water, as well as grown me and women. They were all "riding" waves like it was nothing. It was pretty fun at first. The water level was a little high for me but i quickly learned how to kind of just jump so that my head stays above the water. After a while though, the waves got so much bigger. And the water started dragging me harder out into the ocean. 8 foot waves started rolling in in a slow chain. It was alright at first, because i had some time to come up for air before the next one came. But then what looked like 10 foot waves started crashing in on my 97lbs, 5'2 frame. I couldn't get my rhythm back. Every time i dove in, the top of the wave would hit my back and send me spinning around 3x or 4x under the water. At one point, i thought i was actually just gonna die. That the paper next morning would read "Ignorant tourist dies in tragic somersault." I had to (very quickly and subtly) fix my swimsuit every time i came up for air because the impact of the waves would literally displace my body parts. Oh it went on for like an hour or something. I was so tired but i kept my cool even though i was just about ready to faint from exhaustion. I remember coming out of the water feeling like i just had a vigorous workout of pointless physical battery. But i didn't die that day. Thank you Jesus! :)

It's memories like this one that reminds me that GOD still has a plan for me. I don't have to know what it is. It's not my job to find out. If we all had to wait for GOD to reveal his will for us before we obeyed, then it wouldn't be considered faith, would it? Faith isn't an easy thing to develop. It takes an awful lot of genuine trust in the LORD to really begin to follow HIM. We don't like not knowing what's gonna happen and not being able to control our own lives. But how much of our own wisdom can we really rely on? Can we ever really know enough about life and truth and love and death to rely on our own actions and the work of our feeble hands? Don't do it, friend. Submit your life to GOD today. "He will show you great and mighty things which you do not know." It's not gonna be all warm and fuzzy. In fact, the enemy is gonna try even harder to bring you down. But what's great about knowing GOD and being known by HIM is the love that'll make you alive at last.  

My JFK, new york scare

It was 4:30 in the morning and i was rearing to go. It rained cats and dogs but by the time i got to the airport, the rain had let up. I wasn't really worried about it anyway because i knew GOD would take care of me. I was early and i had already checked in on-line. So i was feeling pretty good. Until they weighed my bags and were well over the limit. They wanted me to check my carry-on and pay $250. I just about died. So i carefully took down my bags from the scale, apologized and sheepishly dragged myself and my huge bags across the lobby (??) of the airport. I didn't really have a solution at that time. I was just about ready to throw out half the stuff in my bag. Which was a stupid plan. So there i was sitting on the airport floor in a whirlwind of clothes and shoes and stupid wonderful memorabilia when i noticed this guy inching towards me. He looked Middle-eastern and very polished. But i didn't even take 1 second to look up because i was in a frantic disposition where i wanted to cry and hide at the same time while trying my best to fold my (very heavy) clothes in a neat pile.

I guess he felt sorry for me, and so he asked if i went over baggage limit. I was sweaty, and the likelihood of paying $250 mortified me so much to the point where i could feel my facial muscles actually uglify. But i said "Yeah, they want me to pay $250 to check my carry on." I was just about ready to turn on the water works after i heard myself say that. So we just talked for a little bit about how much it sucked to be me at that moment. But it turns out, he's one of the crew people on Emirates. He wasn't working that day. He was waiting to get on the same plane as me. And so he told me to take out my shoes and transfer them to my carry on. He gave me instructions and told me to trust him because he lives out of his own suitcase and has very well mastered the difficult art of packing. I did everything he said and stood back in line to weigh my bags again. He told me to approach an Emirates staff because they're friendlier. And so I did. 

The Emirates lady pointed at the guy who charged me $250 and said that i had to go back to him. That guy wasn't very skilled at breaking bad news to people gently. So i was bracing for the worst. But then this other counter frees up in front of me and the lady told me to just go ahead and check in over there. He was a young black dude. He asked me for my passport. I kinda had to tell him what was going on--that i wasn't ready to check in yet and that i jut needed to use his scale to see if i wouldn't have click my heels 2 times to go home after all (i didn't actually say that though). He said it was okay. So i lugged back all my bags and said a million little prayers.

The 1st bag read 0.9 kg. So i took it off the scale and did it again. But now it read -10kg. And we just looked at each other. I just couldn't help myself and so i just blurted out, "Well, i guess it worked then! Cuz it weighs nothing now. Look, it's negative! My bag will actually absorb some of the weight on this flight." And he just kinda chuckled, half surprised at how the whole situation was turning around and half surprised that i managed to crack a dumb joke even at the prospect of having to pay a huge sum of moolah. Then he said "U broke my scale" with a reassuring smile on his face. But I wasn't out of the woods yet though, because that was just my first bag. For some reason, he told me to weigh the 2nd one now. The same thing happens and i asked him if i needed to weigh my carry-on and he just looks at me with a grin and tells me, like an angel, why would you wanna insist on weighing your carry on when it's obvious you're cool?" And then we skipped all across the airport and ate ice cream and became best friends for life!!! :) I couldn't believe what was happening. He was letting it slide! From $250 to absolutely nothing! Then he told me to try and make my carry-on look less bulky because his boss might check it. Then he sent me on my merry way with a great big smile. I wish i could've thanked him some more. I wanted to cry. It was a tremendous blessing!

I went back to that Emirates guy and shook his hand. He said he's see me back on the plane. But i didn't see him after that. He said he liked Manila :) What a great GOD i have! I just can't say it enough! WHAT A GREAT GOD I HAVE!!!